The Sandwich Generation Emotional Rollercoaster: Navigating Grief, Guilt, and Caregiver Burnout

Redefining Caregiver

In the context of the sandwich generation, being a caregiver doesn’t just mean assisting someone with physical tasks. It can begin long before direct care is needed. You might be managing your parent’s doctor’s appointments, handling insurance paperwork, checking in regularly, or fielding late-night phone calls when something doesn’t feel right. You may be providing emotional reassurance, advocating during medical visits, or making difficult decisions about housing, safety, and support.

You are a caregiver if you’re the one they rely on. And when you’re also raising children or supporting young adults, that caregiving energy can be pulled in multiple directions, often without pause.

The Emotional Landscape

It’s common - and completely human - to feel a swirl of emotions as you navigate this terrain. Guilt tends to show up first: guilt for not doing enough, for missing a school event, for feeling frustrated, for not visiting more often. Then there’s grief - anticipatory grief as you witness the slow changes in your parent’s abilities, or the grief of watching them fade from who they once were. And of course, there’s exhaustion. Emotional burnout creeps in when you’re constantly giving and rarely receiving.

A client I supported - I'll call her Melissa- was the primary contact for her mom’s dementia care team while also parenting two middle schoolers. She wasn’t bathing or dressing her mom yet, but she managed medications, handled insurance battles, coordinated care aides, and made time to drive two hours every weekend to visit. “I just feel like I’m always disappointing someone,” she said. “My mom needs more from me. My kids need more from me. I need more from me.”

That feeling - of falling short even while doing everything you possibly can - is heartbreakingly common.

Tips for Processing Complex Emotions

Here are a few gentle practices to help acknowledge and move through the emotional complexity:

• Name what’s true. Give yourself permission to feel it all. Naming your emotions - grief, resentment, love, fear—can reduce their grip.

  
  

• Create a judgment-free journal. Let this be a place where your thoughts exist without the need to be kind, fair, or filtered. Write what’s real.

  
  

• Anchor in the present moment. When overwhelmed, return to your senses. Notice five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. This grounding practice can calm a swirling mind.

  
  

• Pause before “the fix.” When emotions rise, especially guilt or resentment, take a breath before reacting or making a plan. Just sit with the feeling for a few minutes. Compassion often grows in that pause.

  
  

Holding Space for Both Grief and Gratitude

As an end-of-life doula, I often talk about holding space - the practice of allowing all emotions to be welcome without judgment. You can grieve your mother’s decline and feel thankful she still knows your name. You can resent the constant decision-making and feel honored to be trusted. These seemingly conflicting feelings can live side by side.

Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s a process to be tended. And gratitude doesn’t need to erase what’s hard. Sometimes, it simply offers a soft place to land.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re in this season, please know that what you’re feeling is valid. It’s not a sign of weakness to feel stretched or worn down. It’s a sign that you care deeply—and that you’re human.

You don’t have to navigate this emotional terrain alone. Whether through doula support, peer connection, therapy, or simply acknowledging your truth, you deserve support. And you deserve moments of peace and restoration, too.

In the next post in this series, we’ll explore how to talk about death and dying across generations - with your parents, with your kids, and maybe even with yourself.