The Sandwich Generation: Navigating the Squeeze of Supporting Aging Parents and Raising Children

Who Are the Sandwich Generation?

The term “sandwich generation” refers to people who find themselves caught between caring for their aging parents and raising their own children. It’s an increasingly common reality for middle-aged adults as life expectancy rises and more Americans in their 40s are juggling the demands of multigenerational caregiving.  In fact, Pew Research Center's survey results show us that nearly half (47%) of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent age 65 or older and are either raising a young child or providing financial support to an adult child (Pew Research Center Survey). If you’re feeling squeezed between the needs of your parents and children, you’re not alone.

Being an adult in the sandwich generation, particularly for Americans in their 40s, is both a privilege and a challenge. It’s a chance to support loved ones through important transitions, but it also comes with unique stressors. You may find yourself navigating medical appointments for an elderly parent while also attending parent-teacher conferences. One day, you’re advocating for your mother’s comfort in hospice care; the next, you’re helping your child with a school project. The demands are constant, and it can feel like there’s never enough of you to go around.

What Does “Caring for Older Parents” Really Mean?

When we think of caregiving, we often picture physically helping someone bathe, dress, or move from place to place. But for many members of the sandwich generation, the role of supporting aging parents starts well before traditional caregiving tasks begin. It might look like managing medications, coordinating healthcare appointments, advocating for your parent in medical settings, or simply checking in regularly to ensure they’re coping well at home. Sometimes, it’s providing emotional support as they come to terms with new limitations or losses, particularly for older adults facing significant life changes.

Caring for aging parents often means being their advocate, their organizer, and their support system long before direct physical care becomes necessary. It’s about navigating the complex healthcare system for older adults, understanding insurance plans, and making tough decisions as a family, especially when caring for a living parent over age 65. This kind of support requires emotional energy, patience, and a lot of planning, all while you’re also raising your own children and managing your household.

The Emotional Impact

Emotionally, it’s a lot to hold, particularly for those supporting both children and aging parents at the same time. Guilt, worry, and even resentment can arise when you’re stretched thin. You might feel guilt for not being able to do more, worry about your parents’ health, or frustration that your own needs are constantly put on the back burner. It’s common to feel emotional stress when you’re trying to support two generations, each with its own set of challenges and needs.

One of the most difficult aspects is reconciling the roles you play as a caregiver for your aging parent and a parent raising children. You may feel pulled between being a dutiful child, a nurturing parent, and an individual who has their own dreams and needs. Finding a balance can seem impossible when you’re constantly switching between caregiving tasks for your parent and raising a child. It’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard and to give yourself permission to feel overwhelmed at times.

In these moments, it’s essential to practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up as best you can with the resources you have. Setting small, manageable boundaries can also help preserve your energy. Whether that means dedicating a few minutes each day to something you enjoy or setting a limit on caregiving tasks, prioritizing your well-being is not selfish - it’s necessary.

Finding Support as a Sandwich Generation Caregiver

This is where end-of-life doulas can play a vital role. As an end-of-life doula, I support individuals and families navigating serious illness, aging, and end-of-life transitions, particularly older adults. Whether it’s holding space for a conversation about advanced care planning, helping facilitate family meetings, or simply being present to listen without judgment, doulas can ease the emotional burden.

We also provide practical support, from guiding families through hospice transitions to helping manage the logistics of care. Our goal is to offer presence, partnership, and peace - both for the person at the end of life and for their loved ones. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to who understands the weight of your responsibilities as a sandwich caregiver can make all the difference in managing stress.

If you’re navigating this journey of caring for parents and raising children, consider connecting with a doula who specializes in supporting families with aging parents and their children. We can provide clarity and support, reminding you that you don’t have to shoulder everything alone. As doulas, we understand that balancing caregiving responsibilities with your own well-being is challenging, and we’re here to offer guidance and support.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you’re part of the sandwich generation, know that support is available. You don’t have to navigate this journey on your own, especially as a sandwich caregiver managing the needs of both your parent(s) and your children. Reaching out to a doula can be an important step in finding the support you need. We’re here to walk alongside you, offering practical tools, emotional comfort, and a compassionate presence as you navigate the complexities of caring for parents and raising children. Whether you’re caring for your parents, your children, or both, there is space for your own well-being too.